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I'm translucent, my pronouns are light/bending

I always felt kinships towards potatoes.

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I'm translucent, my pronouns are light/bending

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I'm translucent, my pronouns are light/bending

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation center.

The nurse asks the rabbit, " What is your blood type?"

The rabbit responds, "I am probably a type O."

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- Wer ist dein Lieblingsvampir

- Der aus der Sesamstraße

- Der zählt nicht

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A man walks into a bar and orders a bourbon, then drinks it immediately.
“How big is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Around 18 inches.”
He orders another bourbon and downs it even faster than the first.
“What’s the biggest a penguin can ever be?”
The bartender says, “Three feet, maybe four, I’m guessing.”
The man orders a double bourbon, gulps it down, and says, “I think I just ran over a nun.”

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Two economists are walking in a forest when they come across a pile of shit.
The first economist says to the other “I’ll pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit.” The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.
They continue walking until they come across a second pile of shit. The second economist turns to the first and says “I’ll pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit.” The first economist takes the $100 and eats a pile of shit.
Walking a little more, the first economist looks at the second and says, "You know, I gave you $100 to eat shit, then you gave me back the same $100 to eat shit. I can't help but feel like we both just ate shit for nothing."
"That's not true", responded the second economist. "We increased the GDP by $200!"

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A duck walked into a pub and ordered a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looked at him and said, “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working,” replied the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaimed the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” said the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly. Sorry about that.” said the barman as he pulled the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many a ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road” explained the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman couldn’t believe the duck and wanted to learn more but took the hint when the duck pulled a newspaper from his bag and proceeded to read it.

The duck read his paper, drank his beer, ate his sandwich, paid up, bid the barman a good day and left.

The same thing happened every few days for two weeks.

Then one day the circus came to town.

The ringmaster walked into the pub for a pint and the barman said, "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous!” said the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

The next day when the duck came into the pub the barman said, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

“Swell. I’m always looking for the next job.” said the duck. "Where is it?”

"At the circus.” said the barman.

"The circus?" repeated the duck.

"That's right.” replied the barman.

"The circus?” the duck asked again.
“With the big tent?”

"Yeah.” the barman replied.

"With all the animals that live in cages and performers who live in caravans?" asked the duck.

"Of course,” the barman replied.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persisted the duck.

"That's right.” said the barman.

The duck shook his head in amazement, and said “What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?”

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Mom's getting her son ready for school:
- Here, I packed you some bread, sausage, and nails.
- Mom, why?!
- Well, you know... you take the bread, put the sausage on it, and eat.
- And the nails?!
- They're right there.

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Old Soviet joke

In DDR, a man asks: "How do I get to Marx Straße?"
The other man replies: "Go until you reach Lenin Straße, ex-Hitler Straße. Then turn right onto Thälmann Straße, ex-Göring Straße. Finally, go to Luxemburg Straße, ex-Himmler Straße."
"Thank you, ex-Sieg Heil!"

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A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home, it fucks all the farmer's 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock screws all 150 hens again.
The next day it's fucking the ducks and geese too. Later he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead with vultures circling overhead.
The farmer says, “You deserved it, you horny bastard!” The cock opens one eye, points up, and says, “Shhhhhh. They’re about to land!!”

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A salesman sees a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree so it can eat. The salesman asks, "Wouldn't it save a lot of time if you just shook the tree?"
The farmer replies: "What's time to a pig?"

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